dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
