Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
