Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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