Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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