Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
