Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
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yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
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We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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