My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
