So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So here I am, sexting at work.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
