no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm having to shit out rocks
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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