Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
