some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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