you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
