went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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