1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
