Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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