it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This baby is an asshole
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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