will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
