im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
