On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
