You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
