Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
