Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dicks are not precious.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
