hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just found puke in my bra..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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