Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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