everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So. Much. Porn.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize