Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize