So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
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I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
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I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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