loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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