sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
