If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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