Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
