im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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