Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
