and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
