i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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