I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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