real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
