Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
