If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
