Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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