Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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