Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
