if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
