I'm going to jail i love you
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
