like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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