mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
