He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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