My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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