I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
