somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
