he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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