i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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