Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
