Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
