he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can't talk, ducks in the car
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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