New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
